Surgery #2….

Somehow this blog post got deleted a few months ago… so briefly…

In November 2014 I had gastric bypass surgery.  From almost the moment after surgery I experienced major complications.  I was diagnosed with an ulcer at one of my new connection sites.  I was put on medication for the ulcer and repeatedly went back to Dr Dumbass (my surgeon)  and every time he would just dismiss me with more meds and out the door I’d go.  I ended up in the ICU 3 different times… I had extremely low electrolytes and my heart rate was all over the place.  I had many EGD’s done (endoscopy) and each time the ulcer was detected but nothing ever seemed to get rid of it.

This went on for 3 years until Dr Dumbass made the comment for me to go to Mayo… so I did!

During this 3 years before going to Mayo, I was in constant pain… I had a feeding tube at one point…. what was supposed to be life changing and super exciting quickly became a nightmare!

All the preparation we have to go thru before surgery, no one prepares us for the things that can go terribly wrong.

Why did I decide to have gastric after the lap band was such a fail?

Because my weight was out of control!  I had an awful addiction to food, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t beat it.  I was literally hungry ALL the time! No matter how much I ate, it was never enough.  I was in a very bad place.  In November of 2013 I went to see my ortho dr for my knees.  My knees were killing me!  I could barely walk!  After x rays it showed that both of my knees were bone to bone with bone spurs!  The Dr looked at me and as nice as he could put it said, “you have to lose weight, there is nothing I can do for you now” I thought to myself, “well no shit I need to lose weight, your not telling me anything I don’t know”!  I felt a huge lump in my throat and I fought back the tears.  All I wanted to do was run (or in my case waddle) out of there as fast as I could!  I got to my car and cried.  I knew he was right as mad and humiliated as I was right then and there I knew I had to do something.

So I came home and called my insurance company, I was advised as of Jan 2014 if you worked for the state they would pay a portion of bariatric surgery.  There would also just like with the lap band be all the same hurdles to jump through.  But I was so excited, I didn’t care!

Come Jan I had to have a letter from my primary dr stating that he thought I was a good candidate for gastric bypass surgery.  Then I had to meet with him for 6 months,  I had a mandatory seminar to attend, plus many other hurdles.

Nov 21 2014 I had the surgery!  My whole family went with me to support me and was there waiting for me after I got out of surgery.  The first night was a rough one.  I ended up stop breathing and sounding all the alarms off! The next day I had to have a blood transfusion as I lost a lot of blood during surgery.  The complications followed me after I was released.  Not the outcome I was wishing for.

One big thing I didn’t research after surgery was how I would feel…  I weighed 489 going in and coming out I weighed just a little less… but one thing I was expecting was carrying all that weight around after.  I was completely depleted on nutrients and food.  So I was very weak.  Even taking a shower or walking to the bathroom was extremely tasking. My mom even had to buy me a shower chair and a walker.  I thought I’d be off work only 2 weeks and it ended up being 8 weeks plus many more missed days due to being in the hospital afterwards for 3 years.

I am asked quiet frequently if I would recommend surgery and my answer is NO! If I had known then what I know now and how high some risks are I never would of done it period!  Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight but I have paid the price for it… literally! I wish I would of got more education on the surgery and how to live a healthier lifestyle before I went through all this! Food addiction is a disease just like any other addiction… and just because I’ve had the surgery doesn’t mean I’m not hungry or make the “right” choices in food.  Knowledge is power!!  There is NO such thing as willpower nor is it just as easy as pushing yourself away from the food.  It’s about choices and learning how to control those impulses and cravings.  Nothing about weight loss or weight loss surgery is easy and if you think it is… walk in those shoes!

Now this takes us to the surgery #3…. not a surgery I wanted but had to have to save my life! Read that blog post…

 

FOOD ADDICT… that is me!

We’ve all had those cravings… whether it’s something sweet, something salty, fast food to soda pop! I’ve always been addicted to junk food/processed food… the more it was bad for me, the more I craved it! WHY? Because it tastes good and for me most importantly, it’s convenient!! I don’t like to cook, like many of us out there. If I could go get fast food somewhere it made my life much easier. The worst thing I had to do was sit in my car and wait in line for the drive thru. I could have my food in just minutes and be on my way to eating and divulging into my decadent sin.

I was the typical person saying, “I didn’t have a food addiction”. People would ask me all the time if I was an “emotional” eater… my response was always, “No, I eat when I’m happy, when I’m sad, no matter the occasion”! I ate because I was hungry!! I was hungry ALL the time! And my fast food addiction was out of convenience and not wanting to take the time to cook my meals, not because I was addicted, or so I thought. But my food addiction was not just for fast food but sweets as well… double whammy! I could go to the store and literally look in my cart and not have anything in there but junk! Cookies, cake, cereal, processed food, and I would always look over my shoulder to see who I might run into in the store and be embarrassed about what was in my cart! I didn’t want people to “judge” me! Ha! I knew what I was doing to my body subconsciously but I wasn’t ready to come to terms with it.

What is a food addict? Addiction of any kind is a behavior. Being addicted to food is no different than being addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling or shopping. It is a behavior. Being a food addict myself I’ve made a million excuses for my behavior! Food for me is a reward in any state of mind I have been in. Food has always been my comfort, my place of acceptance from the world. Just like any other addiction food gives me that quick gratification and the sense of feeling good in that moment. How did I know I was an addict? Because I couldn’t just stop! I needed the rush I got from the food I was eating. I sneaked around and hid my addiction. I would hide candy bar wrappers in the trash, under other pieces of trash. I would hide fast food sacks in the trunk of my car after I ate it and then throw it out later when no one would know. Until the day I got busted by doing that! The humiliation I felt when I was found out! Standing there with no words to say. I knew I had a problem. But I didn’t want to give up how food made me feel. I just had to get better at hiding it and not make the same mistake by getting caught again. Of course I never thought about how this was all effecting my health and what I was doing to my body. You can’t eat that much food and not gain weight. And boy, let me tell you… I gained a lot of weight! I became very complacent in my life. Same routine, same bad habits, no change for good.

I am a food addict no denying it, no running from it! Every day is a choice for me… every day my behavior towards food does define me and where I want to be!

I created this blog to help others that struggle with their weight and food control issues by sharing my experiences. My goal is to help others by showing them that they are not alone in their journey and there is hope to get past it and live your life! I’ve been through the gamut and I will explain all as we go… it IS a marathon and not a sprint… so stayed tuned… there is more to come!

Hello world!

Hello All!

Thank you for checking out my blog and I hope to take you on a journey of discovery, gaining an understanding of self and all the lessons learned along the way that have helped me in my perpetual food fight.  Humor has protected me along the way so be prepared to laugh while we move through the maze of a life heavily influenced by food.  Through the dieting, the exercising, the weight loss surgeries (yes, that’s right…plural) and finally to not just a healing of the body but healing the mind as well.  Every day is a lesson learned and some are more of a struggle than others. However, I am determined to continue to learn new things and become stronger, faster and able to leap tall buildings.  Look for health tips, fitness ideas, guest bloggers who will provide tips on managing stress, improving sleep, the emotional brain behind food addiction and much more.

Please join me in this adventure and together we can stand against the enemy of addiction!