September 6, 2018

I want to share and update everyone that follows or stops by to read my blog…  we will be launching a new logo and design soon for the business!!  I am so excited about embarking on this new adventure and sharing my stories and hopefully inspiring you as I go!

We will launch the new business and blog soon!  So stay tuned please!  I plan on blogging everyday, a little about this, a little about that…

Food Addiction Rebel will be the new business’ name and I can’t wait to inspire and motivate you and educate you on how important living a healthier lifestyle is… but we are going to make it fun and exciting and not always about health but every day life!

You can also follow me on my Instagram account @foodaddictionrebel my account is growing every day so please feel free to check it out!  My mission is to help others that struggle with their weight… others who lack motivation, inspiration, accountability… we all need positive encouragement… we hear enough negative esp the thoughts we think about ourselves…


Instagram–   @foodaddictionrebel

Twitter– @food_rebel

Facebook–  @foodaddictionrebel

You Tube–  (videos coming soon)  @foodaddictionrebel

Weight Loss Surgery Misconception

June 14, 2018

It has been awhile since my last post and I apologize for that.  Life has been a tad bit busy.   I’ve been busy working on my new business and getting details worked out as well as working with new clients.  Been busy busy!

One thing I keep hearing or reading a lot from people is about weight loss surgery.  It gets frustrating to keep hearing if someone has had weight loss surgery then they shouldn’t be looked at the same as someone who has lost the weight “naturally”.  Weight loss surgery seems to carry astigmatism with it and mostly in part to those who haven’t been through it personally or are not educated on what it all consists of.  It is by far NOT the easy way out, I can assure you of this! You don’t wake up one day and just decide you are going to have weight loss surgery, it doesn’t work like that. For some people it literally takes years to make the decision whether to have weight loss surgery or not.  And you sure don’t just get to walk into your doctor’s office and say, ” I want weight loss surgery” and then they schedule you for surgery the next day.

Once the decision has been made to have weight loss surgery, the decision has to be made on which surgery will work best for the patient.   There is Lap Band Surgery, The Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery, Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass and Duodenal Switch with biliopancreatic Surgery.  Each surgery offers different things and without going into a lot of detail the end result is losing weight.  How much weight depends on the surgery and how the patient follows through with what they are supposed to be doing.

After the surgery is decided upon by the patient and their surgeon, then depending on the surgeon and if a patient is covered by insurance the whole long list of qualifications begins.  I had the Lap Band done in 2007 and got private loans and no insurance but I still had to go through the exact same long, grueling process in 2014 with insurance paying.  So whichever route you have to go there are plenty of hurdles to jump through.

Both times I had to see my regular doctor for 6 months… he had to log my weight every month and had to take notes on what we discussed… after the 6 months was up then he submitted a letter telling the bariatric surgeon he recommended me to have the weight loss surgery.  A consultation was set up with the surgeon and we discussed my options of which surgery to have. After the type of surgery I was going to have, then I had to go see a psychologist, the reason for this is to see if your mentally ready for the big changes to come before and after surgery.  I also had to attend a mandatory seminar before I was able to see the surgeon. Once all the paperwork from insurance and doctors etc is done they scheduled me for surgery…

So that is just a little bit of all the pre-surgery stuff and of course every surgical center is different.  If this is your first blog post you are reading, please go back and read my other posts and they will tell you in detail everything I have gone through.

I guarantee you anyone that has had weight loss surgery can tell you… if you do not prepare yourself for life after surgery, it can be a rude awakening.  Weight loss surgery is NOT a quick fix, it doesn’t solve all the problems a food addict has.  It is to be used as a tool.  Right after surgery you can’t eat solid food if you tried, you do have rapid weight loss because your food intake is basically nothing.  Once the new stomach has healed after a few months to a year, you are able to eat more food… but here’s the catch… the same bad choices a food addict had before surgery doesn’t go away.  After the healing process if bad food choices are made, the weight will come back.  It takes constant diligence monitoring what we are eating and why.  We get just as hungry as we did before… the new stomach pouch can get stretched out over time and not be as effective.  There are certain foods that are called “slider foods”  which are chips, crackers, ice cream, cookies… basically junk foods… they are foods that do not sustain in the stomach pouch and slide through but not after consuming the bad calories.  In other words those junk foods that most of us love, serve no purpose except empty calories, no health benefits and leave us still hungry.  Protein takes a lot longer for us to digest and gives that full feeling longer.

Along with all this… surgery patients can have dumping syndrome which is exactly what it is… dumping…  sugar is a bad one… it can make us dump out whatever we ate… which to most that sounds amazing… again… I can tell you it is not! Just like anything else if we ate enough of it our bodies will eventually like it again which then causes the weight gain.

Oh and did I mention surgery is extremely painful???  Besides all of this and depending on the person, surgery itself is no walk in the park.  I was almost 500 lbs and the one thing I didn’t realize is… I wasn’t prepared to feel the way I did.  Since my calorie and protein intake was basically zero it made me very weak.   I had always bounced back from any surgery I had except the gastric bypass… I was not prepared to be so weak.  I still had to lug around almost 500 lbs and with no food taking a shower was a huge task!!  I was a person that took a shower twice a day and after surgery I had to sit on a chair in the shower and bathe in stages.  I couldn’t even get myself dressed right after, I had to go sit for awhile until I could muster up enough energy to get dressed.  It sucked!  And after I talked with a few other gastric patients I found out this was a common thing.  The more weight you have to lug around after surgery is harder.  It took over 6 months to get my strength back.

So the whole point of this post is this… whether you have weight loss surgery or not doesn’t make losing weight a simple fix.  Weight loss patients have to work to keep it off, yes it comes off a lot faster, but just like anything else in life, if you don’t maintain it… it will come back! It truly is a combination of eating healthy and changing your lifestyle that is key.  Nutrition and exercise = long term success!

Kudos to those that do it “naturally” that is awesome!  But to those of us that have had weight loss surgery kudos to us too because it’s not the easy way out, it was about making a choice to get help after we tried everything else.  It’s not about willpower and not a switch you can turn off and on.  I ate and made very bad choices and I knew it was bad but I couldn’t stop it… hence why I am a food addict… I got help… I’ve had to fight my addiction still because it doesn’t stop the cravings but weight loss surgery does help if used as a tool to help us not to eat as much, as long as we aren’t eating the wrong foods or overeating and stretching our new stomachs out. There are pros and cons to everything in life…  weight loss surgery is no different… everything is a choice… whether to eat til your miserable, whether or not to have surgery, yada, yada, yada… in the end anyone who has struggled with their weight we should all be supportive no matter the journey and not that someone is weaker for doing something or not doing it. Just sayin!


January 25, 2018

In November 2014 I had gastric bypass surgery.  From almost the moment after surgery I experienced major complications.  I was diagnosed with an ulcer at one of my new connection sites.  I was put on medication for the ulcer and repeatedly went back to Dr Dumbass (my surgeon)  and every time he would just dismiss me with more meds and out the door I’d go.  I ended up in the ICU 3 different times… I had extremely low electrolytes and my heart rate was all over the place.  I had many EGD’s done (endoscopy) and each time the ulcer was detected but nothing ever seemed to get rid of it.

This went on for 3 years until Dr Dumbass made the comment for me to go to Mayo… so I did!

During this 3 years before going to Mayo, I was in constant pain… I had a feeding tube at one point…. what was supposed to be life changing and super exciting quickly became a nightmare!

All the preparation we have to go thru before surgery, no one prepares us for the things that can go terribly wrong.

Why did I decide to have gastric after the lap band was such a fail?

Because my weight was out of control!  I had an awful addiction to food, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t beat it.  I was literally hungry ALL the time! No matter how much I ate, it was never enough.  I was in a very bad place.  In November of 2013 I went to see my ortho dr for my knees.  My knees were killing me!  I could barely walk!  After x rays it showed that both of my knees were bone to bone with bone spurs!  The Dr looked at me and as nice as he could put it said, “you have to lose weight, there is nothing I can do for you now” I thought to myself, “well no shit I need to lose weight, your not telling me anything I don’t know”!  I felt a huge lump in my throat and I fought back the tears.  All I wanted to do was run (or in my case waddle) out of there as fast as I could!  I got to my car and cried.  I knew he was right as mad and humiliated as I was right then and there I knew I had to do something.

So I came home and called my insurance company, I was advised as of Jan 2014 if you worked for the state they would pay a portion of bariatric surgery.  There would also just like with the lap band be all the same hurdles to jump through.  But I was so excited, I didn’t care!

Come Jan I had to have a letter from my primary dr stating that he thought I was a good candidate for gastric bypass surgery.  Then I had to meet with him for 6 months,  I had a mandatory seminar to attend, plus many other hurdles.

Nov 21 2014 I had the surgery!  My whole family went with me to support me and was there waiting for me after I got out of surgery.  The first night was a rough one.  I ended up stop breathing and sounding all the alarms off! The next day I had to have a blood transfusion as I lost a lot of blood during surgery.  The complications followed me after I was released.  Not the outcome I was wishing for.

One big thing I didn’t research after surgery was how I would feel…  I weighed 489 going in and coming out I weighed just a little less… but one thing I was expecting was carrying all that weight around after.  I was completely depleted on nutrients and food.  So I was very weak.  Even taking a shower or walking to the bathroom was extremely tasking. My mom even had to buy me a shower chair and a walker.  I thought I’d be off work only 2 weeks and it ended up being 8 weeks plus many more missed days due to being in the hospital afterwards for 3 years.

I am asked quiet frequently if I would recommend surgery and my answer is NO! If I had known then what I know now and how high some risks are I never would of done it period!  Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight but I have paid the price for it… literally! I wish I would of got more education on the surgery and how to live a healthier lifestyle before I went through all this! Food addiction is a disease just like any other addiction… and just because I’ve had the surgery doesn’t mean I’m not hungry or make the “right” choices in food.  Knowledge is power!!  There is NO such thing as willpower nor is it just as easy as pushing yourself away from the food.  It’s about choices and learning how to control those impulses and cravings.  Nothing about weight loss or weight loss surgery is easy and if you think it is… walk in those shoes!

Now this takes us to the surgery #3…. not a surgery I wanted but had to have to save my life! Read that blog post…


SURGERY #3… beyond repair??

November 12, 2017

So here we go… after 3 years of suffering with no end in sight and being put on several different medications with no resolution, I was at my wits end! My gastric surgeon didn’t seem to care too much nor was he trying to help me. His answer to my problem was… “the medications you are on should of taken care of the problem, I don’t know why they haven’t worked”. I was diagnosed with 2 large ulcers 2 weeks after I had gastric bypass surgery. I was put on medication to help with the ulcers…. Pantoprazole, and Carafate. The medicine did help a little bit but not ever completely. We tried different meds and I had 3 endoscopes done. If you remember from my last post this was all happening right after I had bypass surgery in Nov 2014. So fast forward all of this continuing to the beginning of 2017.

I went to my regular Dr in August of 2016 because my symptoms were only getting worse. My gastric bypass Dr just wasn’t trying hard enough to help me… it felt as if he got his money from doing the surgery and now I have become a pain in his butt so he just wanted to wash his hands of me. And yes, this is the same Dr that did my previous Lap Band Surgery in 2007… I didn’t want him to do the gastric bypass surgery but due to my insurance I only had 2 places to pick from… I tried to get another surgeon within the practice to do it, since there was 5 surgeons in that office that did the gastric bypass surgery. But no luck! The office told me I needed to use the same Dr as I had before as he was familiar with my case and body. I thought after the first experience with him maybe was just a fluke and since it had been 7 years since the Lap Band everything would be okay. Obviously I was wrong!!! I learned I should of listened to my “gut”, pun intended! But can’t turn back time so on we go…

After I went to see my regular Dr he wanted me to go see a Gastroenterologist. I agreed to go because I didn’t want to go back to the quack-a-doodle I was seeing! Only problem was the Gastroenterologist was booked solid until December. So that meant more pain and suffering but I waited it out. I was very hopeful after my consultation with the new Dr that I was finally going to get help. She scheduled another endoscope so she could see what was going on. After the endoscope. was done I was excited for her to say what the next step would be. She knew I did not want to go back to Dr Dumbass (which by this point that is the name my family, friends and I had gave my bypass surgeon) she totally agreed with me about not going back to him, as she too thought his treatment plan wasn’t getting the job done and there must be something else going on inside besides an incurable ulcer. So Dr comes in after the endoscope. was done and told me the news I did not want to hear… she advised me there was something not right at all going on but she wasn’t 100% sure what it was… even the word Cancer was brought up, because of my gastric surgery site she could only go down inside so far but she didn’t know what was going on, on the other side. All my symptoms etc were not leading to good things.

She advised me I would have to go back to Dr Dumbass even though she didn’t want to do that to me. Her exact words were, “you have a big mess in there and he needs to see it”. This was a total blow but she forwarded my test results over to Dr Dumbasses office and I set up an appointment. In January I went and saw him. He did another endoscope so he could see for himself. He said it was still a “little ulcer” which he had previously said on 3 other endoscopes he had done and when we pressured him for more defined answers he would not comply and walk out of the room. Well this time we knew it wasn’t just a “little ulcer” and he said, “I don’t know what to do for you at this point all the meds we have tried should of worked”. He said we should continue on the meds and wait a few more months and do another endoscope to check it. I advised him this wasn’t going to happen!

He made a rude comment and said well, ” 4 of my colleagues all looked at your case this morning during our staff meeting and agreed with me.” Of course I gave him a look from hell and then he says, “well I guess you can go see Mayo Clinic then if you want and we will refer you”. I said, “good, let’s get this started.” I don’t think his pompous, arrogant ass thought I’d say that. So he took me to one of his nurses and told them what we was going to do and for her to get it set up. Both Dr and nurse told me they had never done this before so they had no idea how to do it. The nurse took my information and said she would call me in a couple of days and if I didn’t hear from her to call back. Well of course I didn’t hear back from her so I took matters into my own hands… I was sick and tired of being in pain!! So I called my insurance and found out what I could and couldn’t do and which Mayo I should go too etc.. I found out I did not need a referral so I could set up everything myself and then bring all my records with me once to the Mayo Clinic appointment.

My spouse by this time which is in the military had been mobilized in Texas since October. So I was trying to get into a Mayo branch clinic in Texas, that did not work and we eventually decided to make the long trip to Rochester, Minnesota. BTW, we live in Kansas. I was seen in March and after the Dr’s had reviewed all my medical records and looked at the endoscope results told me that I was not getting blood to my new stomach pouch which then was resulting in the ulcer. They drew us diagrams and everything which was so awesome!! In 10 minutes we understood so much verses 3 years going through this with Dr Dumbass!! They said I needed to have another endoscope done by their Dr’s. So that was scheduled for April. So in April we went back for the endoscope.

Let me just say that Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN is fantastic!! We had NO idea what to expect or what we was even doing but that place runs so efficient that it will blow your mind!!! They have it all down to an exact science from the elevators to giving each patient a print out of where they need to go, what desk they need to check into… it was an amazing experience under the circumstances! The place is huge and so many people… you know people that go there are really sick and I found myself wanting to ask them when you are crammed on an elevator… “so what are you in here for”? LOL!

So April and the endoscope… before we went in the nurse had told us we would meet the Dr doing the scope and then afterwards we would get the results from a nurse but we wouldn’t see the Dr again. So while I was in recovery room, the Dr came in… I knew this probably wasn’t good and it wasn’t… he informed us I had a very large, nasty ulcer and things didn’t look good. They were worried about my pancreas and if it had been damaged and other medical terms I don’t even remember. He flat out told us that we needed to be prepared… I needed surgery sooner than later and there were odds stacked against me to survive. This was life threatening and the surgery would not be easy. My Dr’s at Mayo never said an ill word about Dr Dumbass but they agreed had I not sought out help from them then I would not of lived through this.

I was so worried about having to reverse the surgery back to my original stomach… I was more afraid of gaining back weight vs dying. Since Dr Dumbass had told me the only thing he could do before I went to Mayo was to reverse the surgery. Mayo Dr’s advised me they didn’t know what would happen once they got in there but they would try to save it. They could of done the reversal but since my new stomach wasn’t getting blood supply and basically dying (they call it ismatic) no matter what surgery they did to fix this it still may not get blood to it after they did surgery. Its extremely rare the complications I had even happens. They have only seen it in 2% of gastric bypass patients. Mayo sees the worst of the worst cases and I was no exception.

So after all this my new surgeon came in and met with us along with a team and we went over everything. All we had to do then was wait… we had to come back home and wait for insurance to approve everything etc. They said it would take about 6 weeks to get everything set up. Mind you, I needed to have surgery sooner than later. Ugh. So it was a very stressful time. Not knowing what was going to happen and I was still in a lot of pain. Finally insurance was approved but my original surgeon that we met at the Mayo Clinic had to take a leave of absence… but he knew I had to have this surgery so he gave all of my information to his colleague. I was then scheduled for surgery July 13th.

Day of surgery… surgery lasted a little longer than they thought it would… my “small” ulcer that Dr Dumbass had diagnosed had attached itself to my liver and it had to be removed. Then because Dr Dumbass had not put in the correct length of my limb on first surgery… the Mayo team had a hard time re attaching the bypass… then when Dr Dumbass had taken out my feeding tube a year and a half ago prior to this… he didn’t get it all out and I had to be rushed into x ray to make sure it would pass. I actually was waking up during this part and they were trying to tell me that I may have to go back into surgery. Luckily, x rays showed the remnant that was left in me would now pass naturally now and all was good.

My surgery was an open surgery which I knew this going into it. I woke up with a wound vac on my incision but all went well! I survived the surgery!!! The odds were not in my favor but I beat the odds!! Surgery was a success! I was in the hospital for 5 days. The worst part of that whole ordeal was when they had to put in the epidural! HOLY CRAP, that hurt! That was all done before surgery tho, and they could not get a vein for my IV and stuck me 5 times!! I looked like a walking pin cushion!

We came home and all was well… until 2 days after being home my incision started separating. We called Mayo asked them what to do they said go to my local ER here. I was bleeding so bad, it looked like I had been stabbed when I walked into the ER waiting room… just like in the tv shows… I had a towel putting pressure on my stomach and boy did the people stare. They got me back in a room and thought I just had a hemotomia… which meant I had a small blood clot that released itself under my skin. They did some other tests and found I had a UTI which they said was common after surgery since I had a catheter put in. So they put me on antibiotics and sent me home. A couple more days went by and my wound was getting worse… I reluctantly by the advise of my mother and spouse called my regular Dr and made an appointment to see him. My mother had come to take care of me while my spouse worked during the day. I was very weak and didn’t have the energy to go anywhere but my recliner. My mom took me to the Dr and he took one look at it and said, “I need to make a phone call” he came back into the room and told us we need to go see the wound specialist and he would see us now. His office was across the street. I didn’t have the energy for this but off we went. Long story short they thought maybe my wound had disdained from the inside which meant my insides could come out… this Dr visit was grueling to say the least!! I didn’t feel well at all and we ended up having to wait for over 3 hours… I was in the worst pain of my life and all I wanted to do was go home and rest. The following day I had to have a contrast CT done to see if the wound had disdained. Luckily, it had not! But I had a very bad infection!!! Which meant I could disdain at any time if I wasn’t careful. I still had staples in steri strips in between. I was supposed to have the staples removed in just a few days.

My wound care Dr was going to be out of town for a wedding so he wanted his colleague to look at it and check on it before I had those staples removed. My mom and I went back to see the colleague that we had been introduced too and that we had a made an appointment with to check the staples. He undid the top staple, nothing happended… then he took out the second one and nothing… then the staple right above where the infection was… I was literally looking at my mom when she was about ready to say, “so what happens… OMG!!” I of course looked down and seen my stomach part like the red sea!! Even the dr stepped back a little bit, which I knew couldn’t be good. I was waiting for the blood to start flowing but nothing happened. My mom says, “well what now” and Dr says, “we leave it just like this and let the wound heal like a book” It will heal from the inside out. I had a HUGE gash in my gut that was so disgusting!! He put some gauze in it showed my mom how to clean it and sent us home until the other Dr got back in a couple of days to look at it. I was so grossed out when my mom had to clean it, I couldn’t look at all.

When I seen my wound Dr the following week he sent me over to the Wound Care Center at the hospital to get a wound vac. Boy, those aren’t fun to have at all!!
My wound was so deep he could literally put both hands inside my stomach and once all the staples came out, I tore, and so I had an open wound from my breastbone to past my belly button. 14 centimeters long 8.6 cm deep, 12 cm wide. I wore the wound vac for several months. I had to have a home health nurse come 3 days a week to change it out. Not a fun process at all!!

I was supposed to go back to work August 26th but wound Dr said no. My work place HR was not helpful or very understanding and Dr kept pushing my release date. He finally agreed to half days for awhile. Even though I was a dispatcher and got to sit all day, I was still not ready to go back to work. I tried but it was very hard on me and painful. My spouse and I decided I just needed to quit and focus on my health and getting better.

So that brings you up to speed now… I’m still recovering… my wound looks much much better! I do not have much energy still and some days are a lot harder than others but I have come a very long ways from where I was and I’m getting stronger everyday! I have been through so much adversity and challenges beyond my control but it is true what they say, “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”! Very true statement!!

Thank you for reading all of this and my journey… now that you know my back story we can focus on the future! I am in school now to become a certified health coach and my goal is to help others that struggle with their weight… so now we can focus on that… onward and upward!!

My Journey… with food addiction

October 18, 2017

From the time I was a small child I fought with my addiction to food and body image. I was never fat as a kid but I often compared myself to classmates and friends around me. And as I progressed through the dreaded teenage years the same thing happen. I never felt good enough in sports, didn’t matter what the stats said, I needed to be better. Yep! I’m a little competitive! If I couldn’t be the best then I didn’t want to play! I felt like I was always competing and most of the time it was with myself. It didn’t matter what it was, I competed. I competed against food! I thought if I stayed at a certain weight that life would be so much better. I’d be cooler, funnier, life of the party! But every time I looked in the mirror all I could see was fatness. I body shammed myself every single day. Pick myself apart. My butt was too big, I had thunder thighs… my stomach wasn’t flat enough. I felt like I was deformed and ugly. I was neither of those things but it was a constant battle within. I used to eat a Zesta cracker for lunch and I would break that cracker into fours. The more I limited my food the better I thought I felt… which in reality I had no energy, my muscles were weak and so on. I didn’t want any of my friends or family to know what I was doing to myself… I liked being the life of the party and laughter was always my way of fixing everything that I hated about myself! I took it from starving myself to binge eating and making myself throw up. I liked how food made me feel and the rush I got and instant gratification… but I would soon feel horrible for eating all those calories and knew I had to get rid of them. Once I got out of high school and away from that environment, I tried to focus and eat the way I was supposed too.

After high school I got married at 19, and had my son before I turned 22. I was in an very abusive marriage and that did not help with how I felt about my body. He would make horrible references to my body and how fat I was getting. That my ass, “looked like chewed bubblegum” I did gain a lot of weight while I was pregnant… before pregnancy I weighed about 125-130 and while I was pregnant I soared to 185… shortly after giving birth I found the strength to divorce him and start a new life with my son. I had tons of support from my family and friends. But there were scars that would not heal and the more I tried to lose that “baby weight” the more it shadowed me.

I struggled and struggled throughout the years after my divorce. I was a single parent and I hated to cook! So we didn’t eat the best of foods to say the least! Sonic and Pizza Hut and processed foods. We lived in a small town not much to pick to pick from. I taught my son that to be rewarded for something good was to go out to eat… if we had to go grocery shopping in the city then if he was good I’d take him to McDonald’s. Luckily by a miracle my son has never had to struggle with his weight. Maybe because he had a fat mom and never wanted to go down that road himself. I remember eating his leftovers after he’d eat because I didn’t want the food to go to waste!

This went on for years! I would do good for a while and then back to overeating! Why have one cookie when I could have the entire package? I literally woke up one day in the middle of January 2000 and decided no more!! I weighed 242 lbs! I got back into that competing with myself again and off I went… I walked 3 miles 5 days a week, watched what I ate made it my focus. By the end of the summer I had lost 100 lbs!! Life was back on track and I felt great! I got into mountain biking and I loved it! A friend of mine got me into competing and it was so much fun! Then I wrecked my bike in 2005. I messed up my back really bad. Dr told me no more riding or playing softball, another passion of mine. I was devastated and after back surgery I never bounced back. Physically I mended but not being able to do the 2 sports I loved sent me on a downward spiral. The bad habits I had overcome for years came back with a vengeance! I went from 142 lbs to 330 lbs in a couple of years! We moved to a bigger city and the food options were so much more to chose from. I went from a small town of having just a couple of choices to eat to moving here and having many many options. I was in food heaven!! And every day of the week they had a different special for the night… Monday night was Spangles night, Tuesday, Taco Bell night, Wednesday night was Kentucky Fried Chicken, you get it… every day they had a special and it was cheaper than going to the store and getting food to cook. My fast food addiction had begun! Not only did I LOVE sugar and sweets now factor in fast food and it was everywhere around me! To me it was like an alcoholic having a whiskey stand on every corner… I never got bored… the choices were endless! Then add in all the times I did go to the store and I would fill my cart with cookies, I’d buy whole decorated cakes, cereal, you name it… anything with sugar. I’d hide it all if friends came over… I had a sickness… my eating was so out of control… I wasn’t willing to make changes! You know you have a serious problem when you can’t even look at yourself in a mirror… I didn’t even have a mirror in my house. I didn’t want to know what I looked like! And forget about going out in public if I didn’t have too! I went from enjoying being a social butterfly to just holding myself up in the house. I became a hermit!!

There is plenty more to say… but I will end it here for now… stay tuned for more! Next blog will be about my 3… yep 3… weight loss surgeries!

FOOD ADDICT… that is me!

October 12, 2017

We’ve all had those cravings… whether it’s something sweet, something salty, fast food to soda pop! I’ve always been addicted to junk food/processed food… the more it was bad for me, the more I craved it! WHY? Because it tastes good and for me most importantly, it’s convenient!! I don’t like to cook, like many of us out there. If I could go get fast food somewhere it made my life much easier. The worst thing I had to do was sit in my car and wait in line for the drive thru. I could have my food in just minutes and be on my way to eating and divulging into my decadent sin.

I was the typical person saying, “I didn’t have a food addiction”. People would ask me all the time if I was an “emotional” eater… my response was always, “No, I eat when I’m happy, when I’m sad, no matter the occasion”! I ate because I was hungry!! I was hungry ALL the time! And my fast food addiction was out of convenience and not wanting to take the time to cook my meals, not because I was addicted, or so I thought. But my food addiction was not just for fast food but sweets as well… double whammy! I could go to the store and literally look in my cart and not have anything in there but junk! Cookies, cake, cereal, processed food, and I would always look over my shoulder to see who I might run into in the store and be embarrassed about what was in my cart! I didn’t want people to “judge” me! Ha! I knew what I was doing to my body subconsciously but I wasn’t ready to come to terms with it.

What is a food addict? Addiction of any kind is a behavior. Being addicted to food is no different than being addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling or shopping. It is a behavior. Being a food addict myself I’ve made a million excuses for my behavior! Food for me is a reward in any state of mind I have been in. Food has always been my comfort, my place of acceptance from the world. Just like any other addiction food gives me that quick gratification and the sense of feeling good in that moment. How did I know I was an addict? Because I couldn’t just stop! I needed the rush I got from the food I was eating. I sneaked around and hid my addiction. I would hide candy bar wrappers in the trash, under other pieces of trash. I would hide fast food sacks in the trunk of my car after I ate it and then throw it out later when no one would know. Until the day I got busted by doing that! The humiliation I felt when I was found out! Standing there with no words to say. I knew I had a problem. But I didn’t want to give up how food made me feel. I just had to get better at hiding it and not make the same mistake by getting caught again. Of course I never thought about how this was all effecting my health and what I was doing to my body. You can’t eat that much food and not gain weight. And boy, let me tell you… I gained a lot of weight! I became very complacent in my life. Same routine, same bad habits, no change for good.

I am a food addict no denying it, no running from it! Every day is a choice for me… every day my behavior towards food does define me and where I want to be!

I created this blog to help others that struggle with their weight and food control issues by sharing my experiences. My goal is to help others by showing them that they are not alone in their journey and there is hope to get past it and live your life! I’ve been through the gamut and I will explain all as we go… it IS a marathon and not a sprint… so stayed tuned… there is more to come!

Hello world!

October 7, 2017

Hello All!

Thank you for checking out my blog and I hope to take you on a journey of discovery, gaining an understanding of self and all the lessons learned along the way that have helped me in my perpetual food fight.  Humor has protected me along the way so be prepared to laugh while we move through the maze of a life heavily influenced by food.  Through the dieting, the exercising, the weight loss surgeries (yes, that’s right…plural) and finally to not just a healing of the body but healing the mind as well.  Every day is a lesson learned and some are more of a struggle than others. However, I am determined to continue to learn new things and become stronger, faster and able to leap tall buildings.  Look for health tips, fitness ideas, guest bloggers who will provide tips on managing stress, improving sleep, the emotional brain behind food addiction and much more.

Please join me in this adventure and together we can stand against the enemy of addiction!